Sunday, August 06, 2006 by Ospite.

That's right. She's back. I was so happy we weren't on a wait, lest I be forced to use physical force upon her children.

She fumbled into the trattoria, led by those fabulous wee annoyances of hers and immediately demanded a table large enough for her to spread out. Naturally I obliged and appoligized to her waitress for having to take her.

In the kitchen I bumped into the waitress who waited on her the other night.

"She's back?! Please tell me not in my section. Please tell me you sat her elsewhere."
"Don't worry, I passed her to someone else. I'm not that malicious."
"Thank God."

It was as usual that the Crutchmaster be the malicious one, having the waitress do her bidding simply so she felt she had some control. At the end of the meal, I was standing with Dre who had had her previously. We watched a birthday dessert wander by and over to the Crutchmaster's table. The waitress bid her a happy birthday. Dre looked a little confused.

"Wait. She said that it was her birthday when I waited on her the other day."
"Come to think of it, last time she was in here, sans the crutches, it was also her birthday."
"How long ago was that?"
"About two months ago."
"She had the crutches then, remember? She pissed off some other woman because her crutch fell into her chair, almost making her drop her drink."
"I was definitely not here for that."
"She seems to have a birthday every time she's here."
"Wait, you're saying last time you saw her before last week she was on crutches?"
"I'm thinking the birthday isn't the only con she's pulling."
"I'm gonna do a fly-by and check out that ankle."

She walks near the Crutchmaster and pretends to ready a nearby table for guests. She walked back hurredly.

"It's neither a cast or a bandage on her foot. It's one of those easy-on/easy-off immobilizers. I bet you $100 she puts it on when she goes out to eat on busy nights trying to get special treatment!"
"That's ridiculous."
"Think about it! If people are scared of her, I bet she gets free stuff all the time. Who's going to question the injured woman with a big mouth who likes to make a scene?"
"True. Well, next time she's in here on her 'birthday,' I'm checking ID. And screw the waiting in line thing...from now on, she has to wait twice as long as everyone else. See if she comes back after that!"

A slightly maniacal grin spread across my face.

"My. Now isn't that the evil look of the day."
"That's it. The Crutchmaster has met her match. She is my nemesis."
"Oh god... please don't get all 'superhero,' 'out to save the world from powerful maniacs' on us."

The grin simply grew.


Blogger caramaena said...

You've got to be kidding! I can't believe people do this stuff.

Makes me even more glad she had to wait last time.

You should ask her if she's eligible yet for the 'senior discount', or whether she'll need another couple of birthdays this year first.

1:03 AM  
Anonymous Hubbard said...

Next time she comes in, make an announcement to the entire restaurant: "This woman loves us so much, she's celebrated 5 of her birthdays here in the last two months! Everybody, sing a long now. Her name is Miss Sponger! Happy birthday to you . . ."

5:31 AM  
Blogger jali said...

(Please crutchmaster chick come back soon so that I can hear the rest of the saga.)

It amazes me that someone would be that horrible.

I like the suggestions - the only way to stop her is to call her out.

5:35 AM  
Blogger Brad #1 said...

The best thing to do, when you do call her out, is make her pay for all of the birthday desserts that she's gotten in the past. Tip or no tip, that would be worth it.

Better yet, work out something with your manager for him/her to void all of the desserts after they're paid for, and have a little after work party with the extra dough.

1:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A con! The nerve. I hope she does come back and I can't wait for that story.

5:22 PM  
Blogger Ranter said...

My gosh, she must be really stupid to think she can get away with the same thing every month. She is in for some major embarrassment. I hope she gets what's coming to her. Tears would be good.

12:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've read several of your posts, and they are very, very similar to Waiter's at; so, do you work at the same restaurant, or are you the same person (then why two blogs?)?

11:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Idiot, do you really think there can't be more than one waiter who writes? This blog is much better written than Waiterrant anyway.

8:06 AM  

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At your service, Ospite

I am not in the restaurant business, I am in the people business. I use every opportunity to people watch, because to me, even the most mundane is fascinating.

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