Tuesday, October 10, 2006 by Ospite.

We have a particular waiter we have yet to entirely figure out, Richard. He's middle age, married, with a couple kids but he leans quite far towards the effeminate side of the scale. He talks incessantly about his family and music like the Partridge family. He enjoys standing quite close to our late teen dishwasher guys talking. He's remarkably creepy. Also, things such as cash and keys tend to disappear when he's around. But all of this is heresay of course.

His sales rate is higher than almost anyone else in the restaurant, so as long as there's no proof and his customers are reasonably happy, the management does nothing, he makes them money. This waiter tends to be the punch line in many intertrattoria jokes. The "porn 'stache" doesn't help. One of our bartenders is trying to persuade every male in the restaurant to dress up as him for Halloween.

Yesterday, one the regulars from a nearby hardware store popped in for his usual pasta bolognese. I took his order, rang it in, settled the bill and went to retrieve his food. I came back and he said,

"Hey, what's up with the flamer?"
"The flaming waiter. You know, serious 70s porn look. Comes over and starts hitting on me."
"Oh, you mean Richard. He's 'not gay.'"
"Ha. Right, what the hell ever."
"Seriously, he's got a wife and kids."
"No way."
"Yup, we've seen them."
"There is a serious cover-up going on in his family."
"Fortunately, it's not my job to make judgments on his life. I don't ask questions."
"Probably wise just to stay out of it. Thanks for lunch. I'll catch you later."
"No worries. Later."


Anonymous BunGirl said...

I'm sure he has a few skeletons in his closet that are tryin to get out!

11:04 AM  
Blogger Thy said...


we all thought the bio teacher at my high school was really nice, fatherly. always wondered why he had pics of the volleyball team on his desktop--thought he helped coach.

then we realized--this guy isn't married!

and he's advisor for our digital photography club. so he gets to take pics of the CAR WASHes, the girls sports games...etc.

11:24 PM  
Anonymous Amy said...

Hee...'the flamer'...his new nickname, no? Although now I have visuals of Ron Jeremy in my head now. Gyah...

9:56 AM  

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At your service, Ospite

I am not in the restaurant business, I am in the people business. I use every opportunity to people watch, because to me, even the most mundane is fascinating.

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