Monday, January 15, 2007 by Ospite.

I've determined that certain tables are blessed and others cursed. Each table has a life of its own and it influences the behavior of patrons at it. Tonight I had a table that is always good to me; it often provides me with personal entertainment. I turned that table about 4 times, 3 of which kept me going back for more...

Round 1.
They were about 22. He was dressed plainly, she was decked to the nines. That kind of presence tells you she's out to get noticed. (this is a common theme with 20-something female diners in general). Clearly "together" as they walked in the door hand-in-hand. He got up to use the restroom several times during the meal and each time he did, she'd beckon me over for small talk. See was sitting in the corner of the restaurant with clear view of the far side where the bathrooms were. I could gather from her demeanor when he'd walk back onto the floor and took it as my cue to not appear as though there were flirting going on...despite the fact I found her number on the table and she was fond of adjusting her bra while I was present and her boyfriend absent. Sadly, the boyfriend paid, and thus the tip was average.

Round 2.
Son, 30s. Mom and Dad, 50s.
"Can I get you something to drink while you're looking through the menu?" (Same old line)
Dad: "Drink? Yes. Hell yes. I'll start with a Grey Goose dirty, extra olives."
Mom: "Sangria"
Son: "Same."
I can already tell I'll love this table. They drank well, but not too much, ordered a several-course meal, and were extremely pleasant to serve. As I was returning with the dessert menus, I noticed the mother was sitting on the floor against the wall, head in her hands.
"Ma'am, can I get you something, or help you?"
The two guys seemed to not notice, acting as this happens regularly. I knew they weren't drunk enough to ignore her, so I took her silence (except the unpleasant yet soft moaning) as a note that this was normal. I was about to turn and walk away, when I heard her say "Um, hot tea...lemon." "Of course ma'am." She then proceeded to get her plate handed to her by her son so as to finish her veal on the floor...where she drank her tea, and also finished off her son's cake. Father paid for this one, and the tip was 25%, and I was the one to help the mother off the floor as they left.

Round 3. The CrutchMaster's Return: To be saved for next time...


Blogger caramaena said...

The crutchmaster came back?? I'm amazed.

2:12 AM  
Blogger jali said...

Good stories today. I'll be back for more Crutchmaster!

10:33 AM  
Blogger Brad #1 said...

I can't believe that crutchmaster still has the gall to come back!!

I think that it's time to end that scheme, once and for all.

8:41 PM  
Blogger SkippyMom said...

...oooooh..the Crutchmaster! Can't wait....I sort of missed the old bat - she's not still on crutches is she?

8:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11:44 AM  
Anonymous Hubbard said...

Please tell me you beat the crutchmaster with her own crutches so that she actually needed them to leave the restaurant.

7:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wild guess, but sounds like she might have had migraine. Sometimes my husband gets vertigo so badly that a chair is too high for him.

9:33 AM  

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At your service, Ospite

I am not in the restaurant business, I am in the people business. I use every opportunity to people watch, because to me, even the most mundane is fascinating.

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